Friday, June 18, 2010

Being Single - Concluding Thoughts

As I was doing some sitting and reflecting on concluding these posts of singleness and marriage, a conversation with my friend who pastors in the St. Louis area came to mind. He noted how he was with a group of servants and the closeness and intimacy that existed for that time with them. He also noted that the intimacy then was equal to the intimacy he has with his wife. Then he nailed it for me when he noted that sex does not always and necessarily follow the trail of intimacy.

I then came across an article about the fallen Indiana congressman who recently resigned following the disclosure of an affair with a staffer. Souder placed the blame, a portion, on the job and the loneliness of the job, “Loneliness doesn't mean being alone as much as it means being around hundreds of people but not really knowing them. It's a job that results in hundreds, even thousands of friends, but not much closeness.” Souder went on to acknowledge that the blame rested, ultimately, on him and sin - his failure to subordinate his will to the Spirit.

The common ingredient in both situations is relationship. But the difference between the two is having an understanding about what intimacy is all about and being confused about intimacy and tying intimacy all up with sex.

Isn’t what this life is all about, the why God created us, to be in relationship - a flourishing and mutually beneficial relationship? I suppose it may be argued Souder could have worked on and had a better relationship with his wife, but somehow that seems, to me, to also likely have fallen short because he still would have spent so much time in that space of loneliness mired in the confusion.

Maybe the better answer may be to come to that place where we realize we need each other, in community. Married people need to be in relationship with single persons, single persons need to be in relationship with each other, and we need to be intentional about it. Lauren Winner in her book Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity suggests, “Relationships require that married people must invite single people into their lives, and vice versa. This means not just invitingyour friends over for dinner; it means going grocery shopping together and taking vacations together. It might even mean — as it does for Christians who create ‘intentional communities’ in houses or neighborhoods — married couples or families with kids living with unmarried folks.”

Supporting single people is more than making sure their social needs are met, rather condescending there isn’t it, but it’s all about recognizing that singles, and married people are part of the community. To be a faithful follower of Jesus means doing life together. It’s about coming to that place where we can honestly say that sexual relationship, within marriage, is not the height of pleasure and intimacy; rather it’s about tasting the reality of the emerging Kingdom and being in intimate relationship that will be fully ours down the road. As my pastor friend said, “When we stand face to face with our Lord and Savior on that great and glorious day, looking around us to see our brothers and sisters together, children, parents, and those that the Lord gave us to reach, how intimate will that be!!! “ How glorious that we can have the foretaste of that now as the Kingdom emerges around us and through us.

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